What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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