all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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