I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We smell like vodka and hangover
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
