I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
