you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
