bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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