And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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