New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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