i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
