Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
