In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
