OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
