**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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