I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
