Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
