Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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