so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
