last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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