did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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