i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
