guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
