sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
only if we run a train.
done.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
