I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
