I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
