I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
