What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
