im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
