I'm eating all of the evidence.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
