Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
