loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Two words: nipple clamps
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