White coat. Heels.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
