I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
