Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
