i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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