i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
