I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
