too bad you live with your parents still
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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