that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
