I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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