mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
