I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
