Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
