I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
