Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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