someone threw a dead crab at me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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