i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
