Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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