Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
