you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
