This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just pee around me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
