So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
