Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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