I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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